Everything I ever wanted in life I found in Jesus (Part 2)

The continuation:
You know, I've been thinking about this some more. I think that back then I would have affirmed that I believed all those things, but it was merely a theological assent. It was a brain thing, not a heart thing. If you would have asked me if I believed Jesus rose from the dead, I would have said, "of course I do!" and I convinced myself that I did. I mean I didn't NOT believe it. But when I was honest with myself I had to admit that its reality hadn't really gripped my heart to the point where I know that I know that I know it's true!
I'm talking about real faith!
The funny/sad thing is that at the time (I'm talkin about until late 2005) I was in Christian leadership. I was zealous for obedience to God, good Theology; I was interested in Apologetics, I shared my faith... and yet when I think about it, I don't even know if I was saved. I'm so serious! I go back and forth on this. Perhaps I was just a Christian with a lot of doubts. But when I look at the quality of my faith and walk and compare it to back then it's so qualitatively better now that I have to wonder whether I was ever saved.

There were main two reasons why my walk was so much worse back then:
1)Unbelief. Simply unbelief! Hebrews 11:6 says that "without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him." Why do we think that God is cool with us not taking him at his word? I was comfortable with my level of faith. I thought I had good faith. I dabbled in unbelief. I invited things into my mind and eye that promoted unbelief, all in the name of entertainment. You're free in Christ to do whatever you want with good judgment. You're free to watch TV and see movies. But have you ever thought about how they attack the faith? How they like to trivialize God's truth? What do you think that kind of exposure does to you? And you're just inviting that stuff into your mind, allowing the enemy to freely attack your faith. I always laughed that kind of stuff off. I can control myself. I'm not that easily influenced. Nice try, Matt. Don't fool yourself. Colossians 3:1-2: "Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things."
No wonder I was getting my tail whooped by sin!
2)The second reason my walk was so weak was ignorance. I didn't realize how much more there was more for the believer! I didn't realize that the victorious Christian life was available to me. I didn't realize how much I was missing and missing out on. I knew I wasn't like those super holy people, but I never thought I could be anyway. That was somebody else's dream.
I didn't realize that this was fun! I didn't realize that God was meant to be enjoyed! My Christian life was just filled with empty rituals and a sense of religious duty. If I did my duty, I felt good about myself. I didn't treat God as if he's real. He was so abstract. There was no interaction, no relationship, just ritual. That's how you treat someone who's not real: empty ritual. If God is real, don't you want to talk to him? Shouldn't there be some interaction? I would hope so. This is one of the sticking points as to why I doubt I was saved. I treated God like he's not real. What did I believe in? I had some abstract faith, not true faith in the true and living God. I had no relationship.

I could go on, but I need to go to sleep.

I hope that those who were living a life like mine can be encouraged and awakened to how much more there is. Like I said, everything I ever wanted in life I found in Christ! I hope that people who don't believe would see for themselves. God is not afraid of your questions. A lot of my learning came through asking tough questions. I wouldn't be satisfied until I knew that God had an answer for my tough questions. I asked them, I examined the answers carefully and objectively and then I believed. I think the reason why so many people falter and stumble in their faith is that they
1)don't ask the questions
2)don't expect an answer
3)don't give God a chance to let him explain himself
4)think they've found a question that stumps God and don't give him a chance. Ahh, there I go again, I need to stop. Y'all get the picture. Comment or message me, I'd love to hear your thoughts!!!