Sick of more me

I'm so sick of me! I'm so self-centered! Everything is always about me! Most of my thoughts and concerns are about me! me me me! It's so hard to be other-centered. I'm tired of the way I am. I don't want to be like this anymore. I'm so selfish. I'm always looking for my own needs before others. It's disgusting. I want to throw up when I think about the way I've been acting/thinking. No longer a self-promoter? Please. I still do that, all the time. There's gotta be a better way. There has to be a way for a guy like me to stop thinking about himself and start pouring out his life like a drink offering.

One of you might say, "oh wow Matt! You're being so humble! Your concern shows that you're really not that consumed with yourself!"

Does it? I think that's ridiculous. I'm being very sincere! The only way you could think that I'm not selfish and self-centered is if you don't really know me. I'm seriously the most self-centered person I know. Haha! Get it? Anyway, my point remains! By any standard I'm a very self-centered person.


A few days ago Derek called me to tell me about a great new song by Flame off his latest album, "Our World Redeemed", called "See More Him" (video posted below)

I keep thinking about that line:

I wanna see more Him
Cause I'm sick of more me
I'mma be like Zacchaeus
in the sycamore tree.

That's me alright. I'm sick of more me. I need to see more Him. I haven't been like Zacchaeus, making an effort to see more of Jesus. Where has my effort been? I've been so slacking lately. I can't believe I've exchanged eternal pleasures for those that pass. Where has my mind been? Where have my affections been? How have I been spending my time? Ughh...

This week I saw a student of mine use every idle minute to study for his test. Even when we took a small break he started looking over his flashcards. I was so impressed! I thought, "wow! I never do anything like that! I'm terrible at getting the most out of every minute. If only I could be as dedicated to the Lord and my responsibilities as much as he's dedicated to his test."

I'm really sorry to everyone for being so self-centered. I'm sure there have been many bad consequences as a result of my sin, in fact I know it. I'm in need of your forgiveness. I'm need of God's forgiveness. I hate where I am. I'm sick of more me. I'm sure you are too. I wanna see more Him.